Many men struggle to understand why their female friend won’t date them, assuming that attraction and being a good boyfriend go hand in hand. But in reality, these are two separate things.
A woman may recognize that you have the qualities she wants in a boyfriend, yet still choose to remain friends while dating men who lack those qualities. Why? Because attraction comes first.
A woman can feel drawn to a man who isn’t necessarily a good boyfriend. Just because he’s unreliable, toxic, or even a cheater doesn’t mean she’ll stop being attracted to him. That’s why you see women staying with men who aren’t good for them—because attraction isn’t a logical decision.
Likewise, being a “good boyfriend” doesn’t automatically create attraction. Many guys think that being loyal, caring, and doing everything “right” should make them desirable. While these qualities are essential in a relationship, they don’t inherently spark attraction.
At the same time, acting like a “bad boy” or a “douche” doesn’t guarantee attraction either. Attraction isn’t about morality—women aren’t rewarding or punishing men with love and sex based on their actions.
The key is understanding that attraction is based on survival values and fitness indicators. It’s ignited by your subconscious behavior that consistently communicates your weaknesses or strengths .
Toxic men often seem to have more success because they seem competent and dominant.
On the other hand, many “nice guys” fail because they are submissive and aggregable. They’re always available, predictable, and never create excitement, uncertainty, or challenge. While they might seem like a great boyfriend on paper, they don’t stimulate triggers that fuel attraction.
The solution isn’t to be toxic, but to understand how to display survival values—through being assertive, confident, and dominant.
If you want to learn how to create attraction in a fun, flirty, and non-toxic way, watch my infield pick-up videos here
