I spoke to a 45-year-old man who shared something that stuck with me. He told me that as he’s gotten older, the attention from women has dried up. Back in his 30s, he wasn’t crushing it, but he still managed to land a few dates here and there—through dating apps, social events, or his social circle. It wasn’t an overwhelming amount, but he had some romantic connections.
But here’s the catch—most of those connections weren’t because of his own efforts. Women were the ones initiating. They made the first moves, pushed things forward, and he passively went along. He never had to step up, take risks, or improve himself. He let women handle the hard part, avoiding rejection and effort altogether.
Fast-forward to today:
- He’s balding.
- He’s not as physically attractive as he used to be.
- He’s single and struggling.
- And worst of all, he has no idea what to do—because he’s never learned how to take charge of his dating life.
The Danger of Being Passive in Dating
This is what happens when you rely on a passive approach to dating. If your entire “strategy” is just living your life, putting in minimal effort, swiping a few times on apps, or showing up at an event hoping women will take the lead, you’re setting yourself up for failure.
Sure, it might work for a while. Maybe you get lucky, and women pursue you in your prime. But what happens when your looks fade? What happens when women stop making the first move, and you’ve never built the confidence or skills to take initiative yourself?
And that’s the real issue—many men want to be the guy women chase. They dream of being the “high-value prize” so they don’t have to do the work. But here’s the harsh reality:
If you don’t take control of your dating life, you could end up like this man—middle-aged, alone, and unsure of how to even start.
Why This Happens More Often Than You Think
This isn’t just about getting older—it’s about how your environment plays a role in your dating life.
Right now, maybe you have a thriving social circle, an active nightlife, or a workplace filled with potential connections. But what happens if you move to a new city? What if your friends settle down, or your natural dating opportunities dry up?
This scenario plays out all the time. Take college, for example:
- A guy might be a leader on his school’s football team, giving him instant social proof.
- Women are naturally drawn to him because of his status.
- But then he graduates, loses that built-in status, and realizes he never actually developed the ability to attract women on his own.
Same story, different setting. If your dating success is dependent on external factors, you’re in trouble the moment those factors change.
The Bottom Line: You Need to Take Charge
Passivity is not a strategy. If you don’t develop the skills to lead, approach, and create opportunities, you’ll eventually find yourself stuck. And by then, it might feel too late.
So don’t make the same mistake. Don’t wait 10 or 15 years to realize you’ve been coasting through life, hoping things would just happen for you. Start now.
- Learn how to confidently approach women.
- Develop the ability to spark attraction and lead interactions.
- Stop relying on luck, and start creating your own opportunities.
Want to know how to start meeting women in real life? I’ve covered this in-depth in my other articles—check them out and start taking control today.